Writing Makes Me Happy!

A girl in Pakistan

2011-08-18T09:40:00.000-07:00

Life's pretty different for a girl in Pakistan. And to my surprise, most girls here are happy with it. They have adjusted so much with the ideas and practices of the society that they don't quite question the harshness of it!

I realized all these problems while growing up in a Pakistani society. I have listened to the ideas of people in Pakistan regarding a girl's life.I have observed the thoughts of my own parents and I have also observed the the thoughts of parents of other girls.I have also seen these ideas put into practice which really are absurd and unfair!

Even if a girl is born in a well off family with relatively lenient parents, the life still lacks independence and freedom.Usually, the girl has no say in anything except things like the colour of clothes or the new design of shoes. After high school, if the girl is lucky enough she gets the opportunity of entering college or university. However, the irony is that girls don't get to choose what they would want to study, instead parents take it for granted that it's them who have to decide! So, the girl ends up in a college or university where the parents want their daughter to be and she studies what parents want her to study!

While she's trying to concentrate on working hard for the education her parents have chosen for her, she's told that she's going to get married! This sudden shock is bad because the point of education and dedication starts to seem meaningless. Mainly, this marriage issue erupts because parents somehow discover a good match for the girl and feel that the opportunity will be lost if the girl would be allowed to complete her education(usually a bachelor's degree).The unlucky ones have to leave their education incomplete and end up getting married, to the guy who is chosen by her parents, instead of her. The less unlucky ones get the opportunity to complete their bachelor's education and then they are quickly married off, as if it's a race where the girl will be left behind, if she weren't married off quickly.

After-marriage-situation is not quite optimistic either! The girl just does not have to live her life with a complete stranger who's chosen by her parents, but a whole new group of strangers in a whole new setting.In most situations, the girl is expected to obey her husband and this whole new group of strangers (often known as in laws) in a very submissive and flawless manner. She should completely forget that she is an individual too. She is expected to be perfect and quite a subordinate to them, since they really did a great favour to her, by sending her the proposal of marriage.

While she's trying to adjust in this new environment with new people, she's expected to bring happiness to her in-laws by bringing a new addition to the family! If this is not the case, eye brows are raised and problems are expected in the family. So, before she really gets the hang of things and before she is adjusted, she's already expecting her first child.

After becoming a mother, responsibilities double! Life revolves around the baby, the husband and the in-laws. She gets hardly any time to think of what she was, what she is and what were here dreams. She really finds it hard to get the hang of things, what really happened to her and what really was the purpose of her existence.

I wonder how girls are happy with this sort of life! And I wonder if I would also be like one of those girls, because this is what generally happens. There are exceptions to it for sure but I'm really surprised and demotivated to see girls with this purposeless life.

Patience, Distraction and Prayer

2011-08-04T23:54:00.000-07:00

I have faced lots and lots of problems recently. Life got really rough and it seemed as if there was hardly any hope left in it. Sometimes one cannot find a solution on their own, so one should try staying patient. Patience is extremely helpful in bringing life back to normal and overcoming problems.

The feeling of helplessness causes depression. Depression leads to self destruction. One loses appetite and sleep plus the immune system gets really weak. So, staying in this helpless state and getting depressed over problems that seem to have no solution is not a choice at all! The positive attitude is to stay patient and somehow manage to pass through that problematic phase, by avoiding to obsess over it.

While one accepts the idea that patience is the key, one can also try distracting oneself. Distraction really helps to keep the inevitable burden of problems away.Nature is a great healer. One can start paying attention to the miracles of nature. One can also focus on the vastness of the universe and the creatures present in it. Such distractions help in realizing that this universe is a huge place and we are a small part of this universe, so our problems are also relatively small.

Prayer is a great way to pass the difficult phases of life. Prayer provides support and one does not feel as if they are alone in facing these problems.Prayer is a way to find peace and hope in difficult times.Regular prayers can help to overpower the worries that can kill!

February breeze

2011-02-06T08:03:00.000-08:00

This February breeze,
and how it chills my shoulders,
has a touch of past in it!

We may not meet again,
the things may have changed,
for the better or worse,
but remember that I love you

No matter how much I try to evade,
it comes back with a greater force,
a lot may have gone to never return,
but remember that I love you

Having to go on without hope kills,
it hardens the heart,
it disturbs and it shatters,
but I can not let go,
what once came to me.

This February breeze,
and how it chills my shoulders,
has the touch of past in it!

2010-10-13T09:23:00.001-07:00

In the madness of life, I still survive!
Days pass and by staying strong, I still fight!
The path is curvy and laden with thorns,
still I tread, thinking I'll be fine!
But sometimes I want to give up,
give up and see the other side of life,
is it ok to be weak and vulnerable?
Or I just need to stay strong?

Words

2010-05-01T09:04:00.000-07:00

I'm finally out of the
painful numbness,
your words heal me.

I've uncovered the mask,
I'm myself now,
your words heal me.

All the colours had faded,
in the world's rat race,
hope appears now,
your words heal me.

My faith in prayer returns,
my pining stops,
your words heal me.

Don't take my life away from me,
Words of yours are my life,
and your words heal me!

I have someone

2009-11-15T08:10:00.000-08:00

My broken dreams my scattered thoughts,
I've someone to collect and combine.

Who pays attention, who gives me time,
I've someone, I know, who's only mine.

I've someone who sees extra-ordinary in an ordinary,
who treats me special, who never leaves me lonely.

In the days when I'm down,
I've someone to lift my spirits up,
I've someone who tells me I look lovely

I've someone who always finds a way,
to remain in touch, to not stay faraway

I've someone whose anger
has a reflection of love,
I've someone whose voice,
has a wave of emotion.

I've someone, whose eyes tell a story
let it be hidden let it be a mystery
to those who wont ever care
its mistreatment I won't bear.

I've someone to give me a heart,
when the harshness of the world,
turns me into a feeling-less stone.
I've someone to make me feel alive,
I've someone to make me his own.

If I tell who I am, who I really am,
I've someone who won't mind.
How I look like on a bad day,
I've someone who won't mind.

I've someone who smiles when I smile
who cares like one cares for a child.

My broken dreams, my scattered thoughts,
I've someone to collect and combine.

Broken Doll

2009-07-16T05:44:00.000-07:00

As I pass by the staircase,
I see my sister's broken doll,
limbs apart, tangled hair,
and the dirty frock.

I feel something in her
that I could identify with,
I start to feel like a broken doll,
shattered in countless pieces,
in a world where care does not exist,
and empathy is far far away,
people run after what they want,
and walk over others.

As night approaches,
I lie supine on my bed,
eyes on the ceiling,
tears trickle down from the sides,
amidst my broken dreams,
I think of what I ask for,
and what I get,
I am a broken doll.

Winters

2009-06-23T05:27:00.001-07:00

Winters remind me of all the happy days,
Of moments that wont ever be back,
People that I’ll never come across,
Places that’ll never be the same,
And feelings I won’t feel anymore.

My heart sinks with the nostalgia,
That surrounds my heart and mind,
As I sit mesmerized among my books.

2009-06-23T05:22:00.000-07:00

I miss you
And life goes on
I look back with teary eyes
And then I smile:

You’ll come back,
We’ll laugh the way we laughed,
We’ll make plans the way we did,
We’ll cry together

You’ll be all well again,
And will call me the girl ‘who was a hospital’
And I’ll remind you of the ‘guy who was a hospital’

I’ll try to put a stop on your drinking coke
You’ll make a joke of my ‘sandwich-a-day-diets.’

We’ll try to have sometime alone,
Talk of the same things we always talk

I’ll repeat my sentences
You’ll try patience

We’ll argue and you won’t talk
And you won’t talk for days

I’ll miss you
And then I’ll look back with teary eyes
And I’ll smile:

You’ll come back
And we’ll laugh the way we laughed.

Dreams

2009-01-08T11:02:00.000-08:00

Faintly scented world,
strewn with dreams,
dreams one-of-a-kind,
so subtle,so indulging,
so cosy, so wild.

Nobody can comprehend,
and I cannot explain,
how they touch me now and then,
how everything lights up from within,
my room walls, the faded curtains,
the dressing table dusty,
how everything becomes glitters.

What colours blind my eyes,
what lilt stirs my words,
I gaze at things unknown,
with sunken eyes and smile!

2008-09-23T11:44:00.000-07:00

If the world was sublime,
untrue,magical and dreamy!

If there were souls,
And nobody to imprison them,

Imprison in those brick walls
from which
I so yearn to break-free!

Prisons that actually don't exist,
prisons that I cannot touch,
but the prisons that I feel.

If freedom would replace cash
and happiness would be freedom

If I had that road to skate on;
and no signals, no cars, no end,
no red lights!

If food wasn't a need
If shelter wasn't required
If we weren't answerable
If we could not hurt,
and could not be hurt.

If life was to go after
what you wanted;
If no one would stop you,
no one would be unhappy.

If we had wings,
no planes and trains!

If happiness was sought in smiles
If the world was sublime,
untrue,magical and dreamy.

Candyman task

2008-08-22T00:35:00.000-07:00

It was a strange day. I woke up at eleven, still sleepy but scared of being scolded for getting up so late, I gathered up all my courage to begin the day after my six hour sleep at night.

I looked outside my room window, which opened in the balcony that cleary showed the sky and the houses of the neighbourhood in the opposite lane. It felt as if it was dusk and sun was beginning to set, the cloudy sheet made the usual sunny day look gloomy.

Some guests arriving the next day were expected to stay at our place, and my room was thought to be offered, as it was separate from the main hurly-burly of the house and perfect for guests.

As I heard of guests staying in my room, I had to make it cleaner than I did usually. I dusted the furniture,cleaned my laptop and cleared up all the junk from my drawers.

Today, I decided not to pick a task form the Candyman that I was supposed to choose everyday.Candyman is a round china bowl with a lid on it, and it's full of papers with different tasks on them that I have to pick everyday.

I spent most of the time in my room and went downstairs to press my clothes for a whole week, since my university was to start the coming week and I was excited that I wouldn't be sick wearig a uniform, like I used to do till now. I kept ironing all the clothes with the zest that I didn't expect on a day when I was sleep deprived. Because of standing and pressing around eight suits at one go, I felt my feet burning and I was totally listless after all that ironing. The listlessness continued all day, it felt as if I had a sunstroke.Though, it wasn't a sunstroke, it was surely a heat stroke to stand for hours in the steaming kitchen, where the ironing table stood.

I didn't sleep in the afternoon, and kept dragging myself till the night so I could sleep early and wake up early the next morning. The same night before going to bed, I caught a glance of my Candyman. A sudden urge wanted me to open it right away and pick today's task which I had missed. My eyes shone as I unfolded the paper, it read 'iron as much clothes as you can!'. I surely didn't miss my Candyman task.

2008-06-30T09:24:00.000-07:00

I'm smiling
smiling sadly

on everything
I say to you
on everything
I hear

Bizarre,soft,cold,
cute,warm and
friendly
All your words
I'm missing
badly
And I sit here
smiling sadly.

That stir joy in me
so magical are your mails
so enticing are your tales
I'm listening to them
quietely,
and smiling sadly.

Every little little thing
you say to me,
you do for me,
I'm cherishing silently
and smiling sadly.

Taking your name again and
again,
it didn't all go in vain,
gleaming with honeyed
pain,
I sit here smiling sadly.

2008-06-30T09:18:00.000-07:00

Your ununderstandable phrases
About unknown places
Are thunders and wonders
Here my imagination surrenders

2008-06-26T10:01:00.000-07:00

Bud of hope about to bloom
and the autumn arrives.

I'm more scared of
happiness than of sorrow,
more scared of today
than tomorrow.

I cannot capture what must pass,
I cannot hold what is meant to go.

Happiness deceives
and I'm deceived.

Moment of joy
turns into tears
excitement ends
sleepless night remains

I'm always bewitched by the spell
that breaks too soon.

Life

2008-06-08T11:34:00.000-07:00

Smile at your fate
on the life's gait
how's everything in here
hard to leave,hard to bear.

You

2008-06-08T11:27:00.000-07:00

I haven't understood you
yet I adore you

I've never missed you
there's something more
that words can't describe to you

Whenever I come to see you
the words I have to say
unheard they sway away
as there weren't any thoughts
for you

I wish to feel everything around you
the aroma of thoughts
the music of voice
I could have done it
If I weren't dazed by you!

Life wasn't dissected before you
now I think of 'life with you'
and the 'life without you'

As days pass and frequently I meet you
I become more aware of you
and the more unaware of you

Eyes can't see the human existing inside
If you could confide in me and I could
confide in you.

Escapist

2008-06-08T11:13:00.000-07:00

Hide me somewhere
somewhere in the dark
make me unseen
where should I disappear?

Hide me in my dreams
hide me somewhere
there's no one else
hide me where there's
only me

Hide me from my
recurring thoughts
that hurt day and
night

Make me senseless
for a while
take my pain away
stop me from brooding
over and over

Hide me somewhere
somewhere I cannot feel
somewhere I am not felt
I am not seen,I am not known
make me invisible,make me immune

Hide me somewhere
Somewhere in the dark.

Silence

2008-06-08T11:07:00.000-07:00

I sit and stare at the walls,
thinking of you, and
craving for your words

It happens to me every single day
I stare like this,thinking of you,
craving for your words.

Sometimes your words enchant me,
sometimes they hurt
but I can't bear your silence

I blankly stare at the walls
thinking of you
and craving for your words.

...

2008-06-08T11:03:00.000-07:00

Let me pour out all my
sorrows at once
don't stop me from
crying today
because it's time
to leave
don't be sad
I'll be happy there.

An unseen world

2008-06-01T10:20:00.000-07:00

We two share an unseen world
about it no one hears,it remains so unheard

The world which carries
a blend of happy tears
and spontaneous smiles

the world that winks in hues
the world that sights sparks

In this world we two are awake
relishing the music of soul
dancing to the tunes of ecstasy

This world leads to endless roads of thoughts
never letting us break apart
every road ends on another road
another road meets another
and so on

the world goes on
painting on the canvas of our eyes
incomplete episodes of darling dreams
the dreams we both yearn to be true
yet a fear whispers

'with your dreams coming true
this world might say goodbye'
'

Happy tears

2008-06-01T10:16:00.000-07:00

Happy tears
rolled down
on the cheeks

Today
they got to know
they would see someone
they hadn't seen
for weeks

eyes had waited
in silent depth

happy tears
today
strolled down
on the cheeks
they would see
someone
they hadn't seen
for weeks.

Moments

2008-06-01T10:13:00.000-07:00

It's the time I relish moments
I live in the wave of feelings

It's the dawn of the new courage
I'm wandering somewhere on
the ecstasy bridge

I see your charming smile
and feel your kind style

Now I don't see the twilight
but the day so bright!

Paradox

2008-02-14T06:29:00.000-08:00

Me,the hidden paradox
a lamb behind a fox

Sorrows hidden behind my smiles
Reality behind my superficiality

I am not true but I feign
I am not joyful but in pain

My tears behind my eyes
My shrieks behind my sighs

My hopelessness behind my hopes
My willingness behind my "No's"

My liveliness is thus just a show
Who has seen my heart full of woe

'Shiny eye' is the tear
which I have not shed

'Quiteness' is the word
which I have not said

Feelings freeze when pouring out
I'm weak seemingly stout

Loneliness in the crowd
regret behind being proud

Things affect,when unaffected
words pierce,when shielded

Moments sink,when they float
Memories close,when remote

Me, the hidden paradox
trudging behind my walks.

...

2008-02-14T06:19:00.000-08:00

I miss you so much this afternoon,
I miss the frog shaped mug on your table,
the bowl of enchanting jasmine flowers,
and the soft-board adorned with cards.

I miss getting absorbed
in all those things.
I miss being tongue-tied
when I had to say a lot.
I miss seeing you busy all
the time.
I miss seeing you speaking
on the phone,
I miss your smiles,
I miss your angry tone.

I miss you so much
this afternoon.

Twilights

2008-02-14T06:16:00.000-08:00

Fits of loneliness,
capture me entirely,
my heart sinks,
as the frail sun goes down.

I shatter to pieces,
as the diminishing light,
scatters on the horizon.

Then I remember the time,
when the the sun went down,
light scattered on the horizon,
heart leapt with joy.
I had fits of happiness,
those twilights when
we talked.

Midnight Silence

2008-02-14T05:56:00.000-08:00

I clutch the hand of midnight silence
and get my spirit lit,with beautiful thoughts.
I grapple my descending spirit,
with fantasies of beautiful words.

My fears are overcome,
by opening the beautiful
eyes of imagination,
in the secret world of
my own.

I ascend to the infinite height,
descends the weight of worldliness,
I see with the sight of beautiful colours,
mingled with lights and hopes,
the beautiful world-less world

2008-02-14T05:54:00.000-08:00

hard to speak
and hard to hide
what is it that
I cannot say?

You'll Be There

2008-02-13T07:32:00.000-08:00

Colours may fade,
luck may lose track,
steps may go the other way,
in my thoughts,
you'll always stay.

Nostalgic Rains

2008-02-13T07:18:00.000-08:00

I'd jump so high,
I'd go round and round,
scattering my hair,
feeling every drop of rain,
on my hands and on
my prancing bare feet.

I'd look at the skies,
rub the droplets off my eyes,
I'd smile,I'd giggle
and I'd smile again!

I'd dream the dreams,
I'd scream the screams.

I'd taste the rain,
sweet salty rain,
I'd make a cup of tea,
or a mug of frothy coffee.

I'd hum songs,
or tunes that came from
nowhere!

I'd jump so high,
feeling every drop of rain.
And today,
all I feel is pain.
A bittersweet pain.

Fear of joy

2008-02-13T07:08:00.000-08:00

Pangs of ecstasy
are overwhelming,
the fear of joy.

Heart is leaping and sinking,
sinking and leaping.

I'm breathing,
yet I remain breathless.

Has the world come to a halt?
Or I'm not going anywhere?

I stand still?
Or still is my soul?

Pangs of ecstasy
are overwhelming,
the fear of joy.

three lines

2008-02-13T06:58:00.000-08:00

I shed tears of laughter,
and smiles of sorrow.
Wouldn't I see a better tomorrow?

Connections

2008-02-13T06:41:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I want to find connections,
I touch the things that you might have touched,
I remember the words you might have said,
I read your older mails over and over again,
just to feel connected,
just to feel you when you aren't there.

Yesterday the scent of a soap made me nostalgic,
isn't that the scent I sensed when you were there?

I find you in colours,I find you in numbers
Isn't this the colour you wore that day?
Isn't this number somewhat like the
one your number-plate had?

I wrap up my wonderings by a single thought,
You're not faraway,I haven't lost you.
You're in the connections I made with you.